You know the snowball effect? That happened in my head tonight.

Get up, get out, get away from these liars

And if it were over something important or worth worrying about, it would be [sorta] ok. But it's not. So many times I don't worry about big things, but this time, it seems like a lot of little things that I just don't normally think about have just climbed into the back of my mind and whittled away at the supporting trunk until what I thought was there was gone. They shouldn't be listened to; but, unprotected, their voices seem to have greater power than they should.

ordination song

I am a selfish individual. I realize more and more every day what Paul was talking about. Yet these things that should not be done seem to come so easily. But, as was said this morning, it's a sacrifice; one that I've vowed to make everyday. And it's required every day.

i have an idea
placed in your mind
to be a better man

I thought after living here for four years, I would be used to the midnight express by now. Last night, that hypothesis was proven wrong. Awaking in the middle of the night for a stupid train coming through town is irritating.

Being tired is never good. I got up early this morning in hopes of being able to sit and be quiet. But that turned into more of a nap than anything else. I loved today. It was the perfect temperature--not too warm, but not cold either. I think I ate more today than I did in the past week. Breakfast needs to be that exorbitant every morning (it also requires that many selections of coffee cake). And while today and today's activities were amazing, the lesson from this weekend will not go unheeded: I need to watch my mouth. Especially when I'm tired.

rest in My arms
sleep in My bed
there's a design
to what I did and said

nothing to hang over

Today was nice. Nice in the fact that, although long and busy, I had nothing I had to prepare for tomorrow. With only work and one class (which is still presentation time), there is nothing I have to do. I really (emphasis on really) like this fact.

At house church, we realized that although we see the end of the stories in the Bible, we don't see the end to our own. Taking this perspective, we see how tough it is for the "heroes" we have always read about. Nothing but God got them through. What are we counting on to carry us through the end we cannot see?

the edge of what?

The realization occurred today at work. I mean, I knew it all along, but for some reason the thought just seemed to resound especially hard today:

This was my last spring break. Ever. It's weird that the reality of it all just hit today. Regardless, today was beautiful. Just cool enough; just warm enough.

And I had my first presentation today. My second one is tomorrow. My summary is due in class in the morning. There's a pile of clothes on my bed. Why are Tuesdays so busy? It's not even Tuesdays; it's the process leading up to them.

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for He grants sleep to those He loves. (Psalm 127). I'm going to use my gift now.

the past week, abbreviated

Bank of America and I are currently not speaking.

I haven't been on blogger in such a long time that it wasn't even in my recent site list. Wow.

Spring break...yeah. That was fun. I spent three hours in a coffee shop just doing work, and for the most part by myself, and realized how nice it is to do that.

Friday was PSP day. After the Turnpike and Schuylkill Expressway got shut down due to wrecks in the morning, I was guided into Philly via what was described to me over the phone as a "you might want to lock your doors" type of neighborhood. Whatever it was, I got to St. Joe's at 7:20am. Just in time to have ten minutes to stand around before getting yelled at. "THE LAST WORD OUT OF YOUR MOUTH DURING TODAY IS GOING TO BE 'SIR' OR 'MA'AM.' DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" That's what pretty much started my Friday. And aside from filling out a booklet with every bad thing I've ever done in my life (and I mean every bad thing), I found out that I'm in better shape than I was in high school. Week lessons: preparation. wholeheartedness. perseverance. grace. strength. And the fact that both of my auto-injectors are expired.

Wedding's do funny things to me. I loved the one tonight; it was awesome. But on the ride home, the thoughts filled my head. Things, thoughts; thoughts, too many to sort properly. In some convoluted way, they made sense in my head at the time. Now, I'm not so sure. Regardless, it's bedtime, something that I haven't had too much of in the past several days. It should help the mess in my head that needs to be filed.

I have two presentations to give. Tomorrow and Tuesday. Fun fun. I think I'm ready for both of them. I just wish they would be over already. too much waiting. Especially over a break.

And when all's been said and done
It's the things that are given, not won
Are the things that you want

exhausted

Huckabee withdrew from the presidential race. Mmm...I really don't have anything to say about it.

You know that taste you get in the back of your throat like your sick but you only have it because you haven't slept in a long while. Yeah, I've got that.

I'm going to bed. Hopefully to get 8+ hours of sleep.

and it goes fast

On 02 November 2007, I was told that In January 2008, I would be taking a physical fitness exam in the winter in Pennsylvania. I began training for it. I ran in shorts and a long-sleeve shirt every night the temperature dropped below 40 degrees. I tried my hardest to gain eskimoid properties for the entire month of November. Then the letter came. And I decided that running in the winter for no reason at all was probably not a good idea.

Then comes last Friday. I've picked up running in the cold again.

My shoes hug my feet as I run up Greene Street. The cold air brushes past my legs, neck, face and ears. I pound out the steps at the Capital and continue my way through downtown. Though movements keeps me warm, I realize just how much I haven't done this.

But I'm ready for next week.

This is the first time that I'm completely fine with not pursuing what I want. There was once that I wanted only what I wanted, but now I see the folly in pursuing only what I wanted. And while I don't think my motives are completely selfish for wanting to go there, I am, for the first time, willing to succeed my interests.