Now, as good Starkbucks coffee can be (sometimes), they have unnecessarily complicated my life (and probably everyone else's life, too). I'm not even going to deal with the fact that they make you choose between a million different kinds of coffee, like decaf, macchiato, americano, skinny, ice, mocha, latte, and all that other useless stuff. I'll deal with that issue another time.
Remember the old days, when you asked for a cup of coffee and someone would say, "Large or small?" Well, apparently, "large" and "small," weren't good enough for Starbucks. So they come out with "short" and "tall." That was complicating, but it wasn't the end of the world.
So what went wrong? First, they introduced a new size above "tall:" "Grande!" So "grande" became large. Well, all of a sudden, "tall" became "medium," and "short" became "small." So if you asked for a "tall," you get a "medium." Well, I didn't want a "medium." I wanted tall! Tall is big! Right??
Then they added another size of drinks, a larger size than "grande." Now you can get a "vente!" (which is apparently Italian for "humongous"). And to make matters worse, after introducing "vente," you couldn't get a "short" aymore, because "tall" became"small!" I went in and asked for a "tall," and I got the smallest thing on the menu!
So every time I go into one of their stores, I end up having a fight with the poor guy or girl with the multiple piercings behind the counter. I say "I want a small iced coffee," to which they reply, "You mean tall?" "NO, I DON'T MEAN TALL! I said small and I mean small!" and I have to argue with the guy while the people behind me are getting annoyed and wanting to have me physically ejected from the store. So then I have to go down the street to Dunkin Donuts--where they still understand the words "large" and "small."
So here's my resolution: I'm going to walk into Starbucks from now on and I'm going to refuse to play their game. I'm going to refuse to use their obtuse nomenclature. From now on, I'm going to walk up to the counter and say, "Gimme two bucks worth," and when they say, "Do you want tall, grande, short, vente..." I'm gonna say, "you figure it out. Here's my two bucks, give me as much coffee as that'll buy." And if they have to fill the thing up three quarters of the way, or give me a cup and a half, that's what I'm going to get.
So next time you walk into a Starbucks...just walk up to the counter and say "give me a buck fifty's worth of coffee," and see what they do. It's kind of like Alice's Restaurant.
Remember the old days, when you asked for a cup of coffee and someone would say, "Large or small?" Well, apparently, "large" and "small," weren't good enough for Starbucks. So they come out with "short" and "tall." That was complicating, but it wasn't the end of the world.
So what went wrong? First, they introduced a new size above "tall:" "Grande!" So "grande" became large. Well, all of a sudden, "tall" became "medium," and "short" became "small." So if you asked for a "tall," you get a "medium." Well, I didn't want a "medium." I wanted tall! Tall is big! Right??
Then they added another size of drinks, a larger size than "grande." Now you can get a "vente!" (which is apparently Italian for "humongous"). And to make matters worse, after introducing "vente," you couldn't get a "short" aymore, because "tall" became"small!" I went in and asked for a "tall," and I got the smallest thing on the menu!
So every time I go into one of their stores, I end up having a fight with the poor guy or girl with the multiple piercings behind the counter. I say "I want a small iced coffee," to which they reply, "You mean tall?" "NO, I DON'T MEAN TALL! I said small and I mean small!" and I have to argue with the guy while the people behind me are getting annoyed and wanting to have me physically ejected from the store. So then I have to go down the street to Dunkin Donuts--where they still understand the words "large" and "small."
So here's my resolution: I'm going to walk into Starbucks from now on and I'm going to refuse to play their game. I'm going to refuse to use their obtuse nomenclature. From now on, I'm going to walk up to the counter and say, "Gimme two bucks worth," and when they say, "Do you want tall, grande, short, vente..." I'm gonna say, "you figure it out. Here's my two bucks, give me as much coffee as that'll buy." And if they have to fill the thing up three quarters of the way, or give me a cup and a half, that's what I'm going to get.
So next time you walk into a Starbucks...just walk up to the counter and say "give me a buck fifty's worth of coffee," and see what they do. It's kind of like Alice's Restaurant.
