re-realization

I'm beginning to realize how much I enjoyed Christmas this year. The trip to Pennsylvania, seeing my family, the time we were able to spend together, and then the return trip home.

But I hated not knowing what to say; it really bothered me. It made me so uncomfortable. True, few people know what topics to talk about after the loss of a family member, but, for some reason, I felt totally disabled in most conversations. Do I bring this up, and cause pain, or is that topic okay to converse about. I really wanted to encourage, but I can't help but think that I said all the wrong things.

I rode downtown tonight to find someplace to study. At forty degrees and dropping, the ride was more for the ride and getting into the outside than it was to find someplace to study. I stopped at my favorite coffee shop and walked inside. The contrast of near-freezing temperatures and the warmth of the inside was just one of those things about winter that I like.

Went and saw Deja Vu last night. I wasn't really sure what to expect from it, other than it being at the $1.50 ghetto-fabulous theater and being directed by Tony Scott. Though it was nothing groundbreaking, such as the paradox of preventing crimes that haven't been committed yet like Minority Report did, Deja Vu did send us on a thrill ride for the entirerty of the movie, and was one of the best tie-ins to God that I've seen in a modern movie.

(initial apprehension during the credits rolling at the beginning)
(names start to appear on screen)
Me: It's got to be a good film. Look, it's directed by Tony Scott.
(starring actor comes on screen)
Michael: And it's got Denzel Washington in it. I don't think he's ever made a bad movie...
(next starring actor's name comes on screen)
...but Val Kilmer has.

This morning's agenda

[Class start -21min] I got on my bike this morning, rode ten feet, and realized that the rain made riding to school this morning not an option. I quickly turned around, threw my bag and body into the car, and started it up to drive to class.

[Class start -19 m] Not only have three vehicles collied in the opposite direction, but one of them is a school bus. The sight of three police cars cause everyone to rubberneck and slow the traffic on a 40mph road to a crawling 15mph.

[Class start -11 m] I get stuck at the impossible traffic light. This light is never green in your direction of travel. Not a 8:49am, not a 11:30pm, not at 4am; ever!

[Class start -7m] I cruise into, not the parking lot that's full, but the side of the road where everyone else has parked. The school's shuttle bus is parked at the bus stop when I pull up. I get out of my car expecting it to have left and that I'll have to walk. To my amazement, it's still at the stop when I get my bag out of the car. I sprint to the bus and get on.

[Class start -3m] The bus pulls to a stop at the central campus stop. I get off and hurry off to class. The building I need to get to is in the direct center of campus, meaning, no matter what bus stop or parking lot you're coming from, it's the same distance.

[Class start -1m] Did I mention that it's raining? I'm fairly wet on all exterior surfaces, and the water's starting to soak through.

[Class start +2min] Late, I wander into class and sit in my assigned seat, which, dagnabit, is in the second row. Shoes squeaking and everything. The professor stares at me, trying to hold back his obvious questions: "Why are you wet?" and "Is it raining?"

How to help 6.5 billion people

From the "Stern Review Report on the Economics of Climate Change" recently put out by the UK. Of critical importance:

"There is still time to avoid the worst impacts of climate change, if we take strong action now.

The scientific evidence is now overwhelming: climate change is a serious global threat, and it demands an urgent global response.

The benefits of strong and early action far outweigh the economic costs of not acting.

Climate change will affect the basic elements of life for people around the world – access to water, food production, health, and the environment. Hundreds of millions of people could suffer hunger, water shortages and coastal flooding as the world warms.

If we don’t act, the overall costs and risks of climate change will be equivalent to losing at least 5% of global GDP each year , now and forever [Keep in mind that Hurricane Katrina cost $112 billion, representing 1.2% of the U.S. economy]. If a wider range of risks and impacts is taken into account, the estimates of damage could rise to 20% of GDP or more.

In contrast, the costs of action – reducing greenhouse gas emissions to avoid the worst impacts of climate change – can be limited to around 1% of global GDP each year.

The investment that takes place in the next 10-20 years will have a profound effect on the climate in the second half of this century and in the next. Our actions now and over the coming decades could create risks of major disruption to economic and social activity, on a scale similar to those associated with the great wars and the economic depression of the first half of the 20th century. And it will be difficult or impossible to reverse these changes.

So prompt and strong action is clearly warranted. Because climate change is a global problem, the response to it must be international. It must be based on a shared vision of long-term goals and agreement on frameworks that will accelerate action over the next decade, and it must build on mutually reinforcing approaches at national, regional and international level."

If you read this and still don't care, you should read the whole thing here.

I've been re-addictted to podcasts recently. I've known what podcasts are and how to get them for a couple years, but I just re-discovered the vast array of material that the podcasts cover. Not only do I have my favorite NPR programming, but other programs from the New York Times, Bible studies, and Yale University lectures. It's my new favorite thing to listen to during the day, from "All Songs Considered," to "BBC Radio News."

Fragile

There used to be a times where I thought that I was cursed by continuous vehicle problems. And the problems aren't confined to one vehicle; if I operate anything with some form of an internal combustion engine, my reverse Midas touch seems to follow.

Today, the temporary fix applied to my car broke. The only consquence that occured is that I had to ride my bike to school in the drizzle...not too bad. I immediately re-applied the temporary fix, so my car will still run, and I hope to get it fixed for good as soon as I can find the clip to hold the broken piece in place.

But now it seems that what I used to see as a curse turned out to be more of a blessing; a teaching tool, to be exact. More and more I see Him teaching me patience through my car. The little things that happen to it to take it out of service teach me not to put my trust in stupid things like a car.

So, this is the new year

The start of a new semester. It feels like the others I've started before. That nervous apprehension of, "What am I getting myself into...again?" Walking into class, no textbooks, just a notebook, starring blankly at an instructor, judging him and how he'll be for the rest of the year, knowing he's doing the same to me and all the rest of his new students.

This semester, at least, on paper, promises to be better than others. All of the classes on my schedule are classes that interest me, the time of day on most of them isn't bad, and my work schedule is a lot more flexible than it was in the fall. Yet, I know how much that can change, based on a number of extraneous factors. The ability to intern at one of my prospective employers in the coming semester is one of the key classes I'll be wrestling with the office of studies over.

So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions

Sometimes it scares me to think that in the next several years, I'm going to be making the critical decisions of my life. I see a fourty year old wondering why this twenty-something made such stupid mistakes and bad choices.

My task for the day was to clean my vehicle out, which turned out to be somewhat interesting. Maybe three yards or so of leaves were in the floorboards, and couple pounds of dirt, several coffee mugs, and a myriad of water bottles were scattered about other places. I found some maps (including one for Ontario, as if my car could make that journey) and then some canned food in the back.

I tell you, me car is a treasure trove, waiting to be had!

My car is repaired.

Hopefully, it will stay that way.