some kind of zombie

I am so tired. I have not slept enough. This is much more acute than anything normally experienced. I got a total of 5 hours of sleep this past Saturday. That's not normal. The part that bugs me is it affects everything; I feel like a zombie.

I have been a much bigger jerk than normal these past couple days. I am sorry.

Of all the things I expected to get in the mail on Friday, an acceptance letter and full background packet for the Pennsylvania State Police was not one of them. It's great...except for the aggravation factor of having another choice to consider. It's not like it's even a huge deal-in fact, I'm actually feeling good about it; I just didn't need anything else to worry about. Oh well; this means during spring break, I report to Fort Indiantown Gap near Hershey, PA, to get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and selected. But this booklet is another one of those life-quantification things. Here's a listing section from the booklet: "In chronological order (starting with your current address), list each and every place where you have resided since birth." Good thing I'm only in my twenties.

Today, on my way home from work, CMPD called me back. I passed Charlotte's exam with a flying 85%. That's all I need. Now I get their application tomorrow or Friday in my inbox to complete and return ASAP, in addition to the three others I have sitting and sprawled across my bed right now. The point of aggravation there: my high school sent me three copies of my brother's transcripts. Now I have to wait to get the three (now four) copies of my transcript re-sent back to me. Much more a headache than necessary.

I very much I dislike Firefox's spell-checker. I did not spell "transcripts" wrong.

I want to punch school in the face. I do not like it at all one bit. I'm really ready to get moving. I don't like class; my detest for it exceeds by far any other semester when I must have been under some delusion that I didn't like school.

My sleeplessness this week has gotten to me again; my professor reminded us of the presentation due in the next class meeting. I had completely forgotten about it. Granted, it's a good thing I took good notes when it was assigned and already did some groundwork for it, but it completely slipped my mind. Thank God for reminders.

I can't wait for Saturday. I hope to sleep until five.

charlotte

Weekend=fun. Seriously, who doesn't enjoy getting up at 5:30am on a Saturday?

Friday rained for most of the day. The hour hop to Charlotte was broken by little except the occasional drone of the wipers working hard to clear the windscreen of any mist that was forming.

I went to my first NBA game on Friday night. Major thanks to Kyle for the $100+ tickets he got us for free. Seriously, sitting in the section behind the basket is kinda awesome. Then the free Kutless post-game show wasn't too bad either. The the LYNX ride home was, well, different. Interesting to any degree. That put us back at Kyle's place about 12:30am.

Five hours later, my cellphone's alarm jarred me out of dreamland and back into reality. I quickly dressed, showered, and headed out. Arriving at 1770 Shopton Road a little before 6:45am, I wasn't the only one there to take the 7am test. About 40 or so like-minded people had signed up to take the test that morning, and, like I was preparing to do, were sitting in their cars in the 40 degree temperatures.

The problem quickly became, because we had been instructed to show up in track gear, there were about 20 or so of us who were now freezing our rear ends off as we stood outside the training academy's door waiting to be cleared for entrance. Being the sixth person in line, I wasn't convulsing too much once my ID was verified and I was allowed to enter.

Two tests: written and physical. Neither seemed terribly difficult, but that's always seemed to be a false sense of hope. So, the results show up this coming Friday. If I passed, I get an application. If not, then no.

Regardless of where I am in four months, I honestly can't wait to the hit the academy. I want to get back into something that I enjoy. No criminal justice this semester has been hard to get used to. It feels like first semester freshman year all over again.

see my eyes open?

I am up at 2am.

Again.

It's occurred to me one more than one occasion that I should probably be in bed, say, two hours ago. But I stay up, reading, soaking things in, inane crap that I will never again reference. But I read it anyway. And now I'm blogging for what seems like no purpose.

This weekend promises to be interesting. Friday night is the first NBA game that I've ever seen live. Then Saturday is performance day. The day for the judging to occur. Trade and McDowell Street is still stuck in my mind from the practice exam two weeks ago.

The new toothbrush I got at the store today makes me happy. I'm going to go use it, then go to bed.

and so the daily grind presses on

I should be studying right now for my test tomorrow, but I'm not. Oops.

"Part J; Question 11: What, in your opinion, is the worst thing that you have ever done?" So says the application as I move through all forty-seven pages of my life, quantified. Can I find a more subjective question to answer?

Putting in more than one application is the part that makes me feel like I'm rushing things. Part of me says: Take it easy, man. It's all going to be ok. Sit back and relax. Then the other part of me tells me it's fine to place three applications in at once. I simply want answers. Now. But I'm told to be patient. And trusting. At least, that's what I told people tonight. It's oh so much easier to tell someone something and...yeah...well, that's true with everything. I hate trusting people.

And I feel like this entire shpeal has transpired before, on many occasions. There might be a lesson here.

Tomorrow is forecast to be Much Cooler than today.

We live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do

I want to be strong and courageous.

Happy unimaginative, consumer-oriented, entirely arbitrary, manipulative, and shallow interpretation of romance day!

I currently have one hundred and fifty pages of paper sitting on my bed next to me. Paper that can decide the future of...well, my life. Job applications. All of this paper for two jobs. There's only about seventy actual pages that I have to fill out, but none the less, it remains a daunting task. One that I will leave for later, as now it is bed time. I hope to have these done and the preliminary parts sent out by Monday. We'll see how that come along.

Today was interesting. It was the first Valentines Day where I was content. Not wishing, not hoping, not wondering; content. I kinda liked it. It was nice. Not being selfish. For once. That said, tomorrow is going to be fun.

I should sleep. Probably a good idea. Goodnight.

SC tax EFT

It's amazing how a simple online banking statement will put your mind at ease.

South Carolina just sent me my tax refund check. I am suddenly not worried about my finances for the rest of the month. And the next. And the next.

Now that I've decided to put the different applications in, I have to print out 150 pages of application documents. Woot. Good thing I've got moneys now.

the un-necessary early morning

I really really don't like waking up early to get to class only to find out that the professor has canceled all classes for the day. Can't there be like an email alert that I can get at home so I don't have to go too far from my bed?

the hours continue to pass

As I lay on my couch, I realize that in twenty-four hours, I will have a much better idea of how the entry exam in two weeks will go.

I don't know what to think of this yet, but yesterday, I got an email from a recruiter. It contained an application and dates on which tests are conducted by which to apply prior to. Now, If I knew what to do with said information, it might not puzzle me so much. But it does. And thankfully, I'm not worried about it.

Boo. Class. Time for me to rot away. I need today's newspaper and puzzlers.

late night express

It's late. 1:58 AM, to be exact. I should probably be in bed right now. I am not.

The weather outside has gotten warmer, but not warm enough. It's just right. Just right to need a blanket. Just right to feel it blow by your face. Just right to feel it in between toes and not get cold. It makes me long for the days in the summer that I can sit on the porch and just watch the rain pour down in front of me. I wore sandals tonight. It made me happy.

Why can't I find my spindle of blank CD's when I need it?

Sleepy. Thank God for naps; they're sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day. I also despise the location of my English class. It's just in the right place for the ceiling to melt and green goo drip down from the lights and melt our eyes and ears and leave us with stumps for appendages and...thankfully it's only twice a week.

I'm having second thoughts about Friday already. Just about 3 seconds after I deceided that I was going up there. Not always the best. I have so many plans in mind. I just want to figure out what's the right one.

the upcoming practice exam

The young child walks with a skip in his step to the mailbox. That letter, the one from grandma or grandpa or uncle or aunt or dad on a trip, has the possibility of arriving today. As he nears the mailbox, his heart starts to beat faster. His mind can hardly contain his thoughts and it's all he can do to keep from running full tilt to get there faster. Is it coming today? What will be in it? He reaches his hand out to open the small door that hides letters and other parcels.

I turn the key and lock it back up. Nothing. Only the stupid advertisements that the local businesses I don't like send out for crap I don't need. Teaser letters, the "send military records (if applicable) back for additional candidate points" show up, only to leave me disappointed.

I take Charlotte's practice exam on Friday. I felt kinda dumb telling my boss that I was going to be late to work for a test that doesn't even count. Oh well.

Not that I'm nervous about it; far from it. I really am just not sure of what's going to be happening and going up to take a test for something that I'm not sure is going to happen makes me feel like I'm pushing plans. It's like what I asked for prayer for: I'm not worried. A job would be nice, but for once, I'm not worried about it. I think I was more proactive a year ago for employment for when I leave school than I am now.